May Challenge Part. 1

May Challenge Part. 1

Day 1: What are you most grateful for today?

I thought about this question all day today. I realized I didn’t know what to be grateful for… Maybe because I have so much to be grateful for, including being alive and healthy. Also because I felt that was too common and understandable. I thought maybe some people in my life or the ability and freedom to spend my own money. I wasn’t sure. After a long day, I realized that today I am most grateful for is the opportunities I have to make the best of being alive and healthy. With this, I can make my own money, make decisions for myself, and take my own risks. With these abilities comes a lot of responsibility and challenges, but overall these things have built me to be who I am. I work hard for what I have, but I am only able to do this due to opportunities I have taken to be where I am. I love where I am and that I am able to rely on people around me for help along with relying on myself for what I need. I am extremely grateful for the people who have supported me and helped me get to where I am now. I think in the long run, the challenges in my life at this moment will continue to shape who I am and maybe even present new opportunities to take on and grow from.

Day 2: Favorite memory of the past year.

My favorite memory of the past year was in September. My older brother proposed to his girlfriend! When they told us right after it was a moment of sheer excitement for everyone. They are so perfect and I realized how real everything was at that moment. He was no longer a big kid, he was getting married! My whole life he was a little older than me and messing around. I realized that part of our life was long gone. I also was so happy for both of them and to be able to be there for him was amazing. Not to mention, my mom and I knew he was going to so we were biting our tongues for months!

Day 3: Outfit that makes you feel confident.

This is honestly a tough one. There are a bunch, but here is my go to…

This is honestly from a while ago, but I love this dress. It is simple and very easy to add on to. It has a cute back too!

Ophelia dress in midnight navy from Lilly Pulitzer

Day 4: In my cup.

Honestly… I had mikes hard last night. That is an uncommon occurrence, but never regret it. More often, I will have Sam Adams Porch Rocker or white wine. If its not after 5, you will find water or green tea.

Day 5: Your best accomplishment.

It is hard to categorize accomplishments under “best” since most are succeeding then what makes it the best. Most proud of? Or most impressive?

After a lot of thought on this one, I decided that this post and the reason for this challenge is about being grateful and reflecting on myself. I decided that in my eyes, my best accomplishment is not something I have completed or achieved. It is how I got to where I am with my anxiety. My anxiety has caused many problems academically, socially, and mentally. Over time, before I was reassured that the racing in my mind all the time was not always normal, I thought something was wrong with me. I had no idea what, maybe I was slow or just shy. Over time I taught myself how to study, test, and learn in a whole different way than how my teachers and professors were teaching me. It took a lot longer and a lot more effort than what it looked like other students were putting into their work. Socially, I thought I was just scared and overthought everything due to that. I also did not know this wasn’t normal to be petrified of daily interactions that come naturally to other people. Mentally all of this made me think I was less than others and I was terrified of being seen as weak. Over time I learned how to put on a brave face, come off strong and independent, but mostly I showed everyone I was not less than anyone else. I worked extra hard to make sure I knew myself that I was okay. Learning about my anxiety, how to cope with it, being mindful of it, and working with it to understand it made me feel so much more confident in my ability to do things. I knew it wasn’t completely normal. I realized there was something different that I had to work with in my life. Now I am so much more aware of myself, my thoughts, and my feelings.

My Month of May Challenge

My Month of May Challenge

I have brainstormed and created a challenge for myself. Often people do 30 day picture or prompt challenges, but I have combined these for one great challenge. Unlike some of these challenges, I don’t want to post it all on instagram (which I hardly use to post pictures at this point in my life..) but I figured I would share it here. I will add to it (hopefully) everyday, but the goal I think is to reconnect with myself and what is important to me at this point. It will also challenge me to reflect everyday and create a routine to be more grateful and aware of the life I live.

Gratitude is an amazing thing. An increase in gratitude can decrease anxiety and depression while increasing self-acceptance, energy, forgiveness, and happiness.

I will share with you now the first few days of the challenge that I will start tomorrow, May 1st.

  1. What are you most grateful for today?
  2. Your favorite memory of the past year.
  3. Outfit that makes you feel confident.
  4. In my cup.
  5. Your best accomplishment.
  6. A funny story that makes you laugh every time.
  7. Favorite things to do to treat yourself.

I Tried The Keto Diet And Here Is What Is Happening…

I Tried The Keto Diet And Here Is What Is Happening…

My mom got me to try the keto diet with her. The keto diet is when you do not eat carbs. When your body gets into ketosis, it starts to burn fat if it does not have enough carbs to burn for energy.

My mom started and got excited about something new to try. She went grocery shopping and everything. She told me she would do everything if I just went along with it. Not only did she forget to put snacks for work in my bag like she said she would, but I got grumpy day one from being so hungry and not understanding what I could eat. Mostly nuts for me while I was at work that day.

It did not hit me until after dinner on day two that I was not cut out for this. I was still so hungry. I cheated a little and had some non fat frozen yogurt. The hardest part of it all has been no beer. This is my favorite time of the year, when summer beers come out. Here I am trying to be healthier and I’m just being teased.

After a few days of working a lot and not being able to eat whatever is around to hold me over until dinner, I found myself tired and irritable. I sound like a toddler. Then last night I went and had dinner with my mom (so I wouldn’t give in to my chipotle craving), and dinner was good, but I could have had 3 more portions. Needless to say if you are active and young… keto may not be for you.

I have enjoyed that there is still a lot you can eat, but the apparent outcomes have worried me. Muscle soreness, exhaustion, headaches, and more… I am too young and busy to be dealing with that… Peak season at work is about to hit (in a matter of days) and that is not a time to be tired and getting headaches.

Overall, I think I will submit to my chipotle cravings today and wait a few months to try again. I definitely have been more aware of the carbs I normally would have had, but I think there can be a healthy combination that way my body wont go completely into ketosis. I am also not trying to lose weight or change myself. It was a good try though and I support anyone and everyone who can follow these rules for dieting, it takes determination!

If you want to try – let me know your tips and tricks!

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/ketogenic-diet-101#what-it-is

For Me. For You. For Us.

For Me. For You. For Us.

I wonder what it is like to feel like all those amazing looking people on Pinterest. They always seem to be so happy and perfect. I know that everyone has their own problems, but what would it feel like to be that girl in that picture, in that moment? To have the most perfect skin, body, outfit (prom dress, etc.), hair, and what seems to be as if they have everything put together perfectly. I feel bad for making assumptions about whoever they are, but there is a small chance that they truly are perfectly happy.

That is what I want to feel. It is absolutely insane that people cannot feel that way. To not be happy with what you have or how you look. The whole love your body movement right now makes me feel even worse about my insecurities. What is even worse, I had convinced myself that I would change these aspects of my body to make me happier.

Why on earth would that be the answer. Why should happiness be based off the way you feel when you look in the mirror? Instead, when looking in the mirror we should be grateful to even be able to do this. We were given a chance to live.

when life gives you lemons right…?

So why should people be able to dictate how you feel and the choices you make? Why is there a norm, or a standard to follow? I want to be able to be comfortable with the choices and decisions I have made for myself and not feel like I should have gone with what everyone else was doing. I want to make the most of where I am in my life and where I am going. Why should anyone feel differently.

You are the most important person in your life. Make that person happy.

If you don’t like what you are doing, stop and think about why you are doing it and if you should really be there. If you do not want to be in school, or at a job that does not make you happy every day, then DON’T. Odds are you will make the right decisions in the end. It will not be easy, but if you were happy you would feel that things in your life are 10x better than they were. I regret none of the choices I have made about my life changes, but I feel like I cannot be happy about them if other people are constantly telling me to do what they think I should be doing, or what other people do. I try not to listen to these people, but it leaves me wondering what it would be like if these standards/expectations did not exist.

Taking the time to stop and smell the roses will make you appreciate what IS not what COULD BE or SHOULD BE. Enjoy the little things…

Simply because all you can do is your best.

Don’t forget to admire the beauty in every day.
Winter

Winter

For starters, layer up! It’s gonna be chilly. Even my dog wears a shirt to go outside (and I do not put my dogs in clothes unless necessary). Being prepared is the only way to do it here. If you’re stuck, you’re not going anywhere for a while. That goes for power outages too. If you are here in the winter, bless your soul, and make sure you have plenty of blankets, socks, and snacks before the weather starts! Stock up when you’re off cape or online. Whatever you think you need – get the best version of it.

The snow falls horizontally, there is bone chilling winds, and often power outages that last way too long. This may sound familiar to a lot of people, but on cape cod your resources to getting what you need can be limited. So heres how to deal with it all…

If you are staying by the water make sure to park in a spot where the sun will hit when it comes out. And try to park facing the wind, not perpendicular.

People stink at driving in weather. It could be cold and even a little rainy and everyone is going 15 mph. There are always those people that are zooming by – don’t be that person, but if you’re going too slow people will make sure you know.

Avoid the bridges when it’s really windy and slippery!

Avoid the grocery store last minute if you can. It’s better to go somewhere smaller than a huge grocery store that will be packed.

I don’t have too many tips for this, but lastly don’t be the idiot who tries to go out in the bad weather. I can assure you that everyone will think twice about opening their store or going to work. Call ahead.

Want to Start Working Out (again)?

Want to Start Working Out (again)?

Getting to the gym is always a challenge, and even if you can get there you are presented with challenges. I have had to go through the process of getting back into the gym to start training many times. Although training is a little more challenging than going to stay fit, they share the same problems.

If you lack motivation I suggest going early in the morning whenever you wake up. Right away. Don’t make going to the gym an option, make it a necessity. If you go in the morning, you have less time to think about it. This is crucial because if you think about it you probably will not end up going. Also you can make time in the morning, sometimes later in the day other things come up and you may not get to it. Going to workout in the morning is also how I became a morning person… Wild concept, I know!

Make sure you have a healthy snack before going to the gym!!! If you workout on an empty stomach you will not be getting the complete results you want! To build muscle, burn fat, and build up your stamina you need to eat before working out. I do not mean a gatorade (never gatorade). I stash granola bars in my car so I am always ready whenever I have the time.

Another way to boost motivation is to find a workout buddy! This should not be someone you are self conscious around, but your best pal will work. They should not be afraid to push you or tell you to get lower with your pushups. If you don’t have a buddy to go with, then make a fire playlist that makes you want to move! There is a playlist on spotify called gameday – it is fire. Stick those headphones in and get movin!

https://open.spotify.com/user/spotify/playlist/37i9dQZF1DXdxTsNp0Bzwq?si=eXewIU8KSe6G_dsBhZIYZg

*Workout clothes, shoes, and gear that you love will also make it easier to get to the gym! You will want to get dressed and it will make it effortless to get dressed when you are half asleep!*

Now that you are at the gym, STRETCH! DO NOT skip this. EVER. Stretching everyday will help your body move and be less tense. You should stretch after too. Make it a part of your warmup and cool down. Warmups should be no longer than 15 min of light cardio, stretching to get your body moving. Cool down should be a little longer and also include some lighter activities and stretching to get your heart rate back down and to loosen up your muscles and joints so they don’t tense up later.

If you are just getting back into the gym, take it easy. This doesn’t mean to not push yourself, it means don’t go crazy from the start. Pushing yourself should be adding minutes to your cardio, or adding reps to your sets. If you push yourself too hard with too much weight or too fast a run, you will probably hurt yourself or feel the pain later (not a good pain).

My trick to getting back into the gym (every time I do it) is to set reachable goals and keep track of what you do. Your goals can include (but not limited to):

  • Times at the gym per week
  • How long you are at the gym (>50 min)
  • How long/far you run, bike, climb, etc.
  • How many reps and sets of your circuits
  • How much water you drink during the day (crucial)

Reachable goals and keeping track of these things, make it easier to increase your work every week and maintain consistency. If you run one mile one day, then the next day you run try adding half a mile (or start slow with a quarter). If you start with 3 sets of 10 reps maybe bump it up to 3 sets of 12 or 15 reps. High reps with lower weights will help you get started and get your body back into shape to be able to train again.

I usually add cardio every day I am in the gym, even if it is just for a warmup. I either bike or run. Keeping track of time and distance will help you mark your progress which can be extremely satisfying. I also work on my core everyday, and add either arms or legs. I am going to give you a general list of things I do when getting back into the gym. Alter as you wish, but it is definitely a good baseline.

  • Stretch
  • 0.75 mile warmup (run) or 3.0 mile warmup (bike)
  • Stretch
  • Abs/core: (2-3 reps, second rep you can decrease by 10 on the crunches if needed *if you dont want abs* 😉 )
    • 30 crunches each side and middle
    • 30 bicycle crunches
    • 45 russian twists (later add med ball when feeling this is too easy) make sure opposite arm touches the ground
    • 25 toes touch up
    • 30 seconds of flutter kicks
    • 30 seconds of 6 inches (hold feet 6 inches off ground)
    • 45-60 second plank
    • 30 butt raises
    • 30 leg lifts on each side
    • 30 side leg lifts on each side
    • 100 calf raises
    • 15 squats
    • 10-30 pushups (day 1 start at 10, add 5 every day, keep adding)
  • Legs and booty: (2-3 reps)
    • 20 squats
    • 20 lunges (on each side) – 15 second rep
    • 50 calf raises
    • 50-60 second wall sit
    • 100 jumping jacks (50 second rep)
    • 50 second wall sit
    • 20 sumo squats
    • 30 calf raises (with weight)
    • 20 squats
  • Every day: add 5 every other day
    • 15 pushups
    • 15 sit ups
  • Arms – to be honest I do a lot of variations with arms so I don’t have a set circuit I do yet. I do like to try to add some pull ups when I can (this is extremely difficult to start doing especially as a female, but it can be done)
  • STRETCH

This all may seem like a lot, but I promise you, it will get you going and get you back in there to beat your personal goals! *thank me later* And remember, all you can do is your best!

I Went to a Psychic and Here Is What Happened…

I Went to a Psychic and Here Is What Happened…

I have always been interested in the “sixth sense” or the “third eye” – whatever you want to call it – and I finally got to the point where I said to myself, “screw it, you have nothing to lose.”

For starters, I am in an interesting place with my life. I have made so many changes in the past 12 months. Not just small changes, but BIG, life altering changes. I made them in the moment, dependent on what was best for me at the time and near future. I do not regret any of the decisions made, but sometimes I wonder if they were the right choices for me in the long run. This is why I decided that this would be a good time to try something new, something that could help me and give me some clarity on where I was with myself and my journey.

I made an appointment with someone after much research and hesitation. I found someone semi local with great reviews and a lot of practice. She had a credible website and it turned out to be a session that would lead me to a lot of clarity, but also thought on my actions in the moment and for the future.

I had walked in and sat down. All she knew was my name (which isn’t even my full name). She told me about what she did and how she usually does her readings. She told me to keep my feet on the floor and my eyes open. After we began the reading she started to talk to me about what she saw and what it meant.

Dancing. She could not put a type of dance to the action, but it was very active and energetic.

She told me not only that I am at peace with the decisions I have made, but that I am right where I should be.

She told me about the type of person, worker, and heart that I have.

These three things alone resonated with me deeply. I do not dance (well not on purpose…), but I am and always have been an athlete. Along with being very active, I like to stay busy and always be working on something or moving somewhere with whatever I am doing. It has always been important to me to be in touch with myself mentally and physically, but recently due to some medical complications, I have had to let go of this a little bit. Her telling me about how important this part of me was, I realized that I should not be scared to continue working on myself and being in touch with my active side.

I do agree with her about where I am with my life and my decisions. With that she told me it would really benefit me to surround myself with people of like mind. People who truly care about what they do, and work hard for what they want. People who put an excessive amount of heart into everything they do, just like me. This is where she told me about how passionate I am about motivating people and working hard. I have always been a leader at school, sports, and with a lot of the things I have taken on in my life. Right now I have been struggling to prove this quality in one aspect of my life. For her to mention that I truly care about what I do and motivating others to care as well, this reminded me to not give up on what I have been trying to prove.

She mentioned randomly and very specifically a decision I had made last year (and there is no way she would have been able to find this out or known about it before hand). She told me in detail, that it was good I made this decision and there was one more part of it that I have been struggling with. She told me to let go of that last part, and by doing so I would finally be able to move on.

I was then blown away. I had been kept up the night before thinking about one person that I needed to remove from my life. Not only did she tell me I was right, but she gave me the confidence to believe in myself and do what is best for me.

Lastly she asked about my childhood. If I ever wore a brace… if I was ever held back somehow physically. She said that she knew that this caused a lot of built up fear and worry about my life that I carried and that caused tension with my mom. Right then I almost started crying.

When I was in grade school, I believe 5th grade. I had told my mom that my knee hurt all the time and especially when I played sports. It took me two years of complaining and my pediatrician to get my mom to realize I needed it checked out. I got an x-ray and sure enough there was something wrong and from there on out I was supposed to wear a brace. I remember being scared about this limiting my life and making me different. My mom never did admit to me that she was wrong, that she should have listened. I was in pain and I was scared. I never realized until I was asked about this “brace” that I still held that fear with me. I have a history of injuries in that leg, related to strengthening that leg to make the problem have less of an impact. In the end, it was physical injuries that made me stop participating in sports, even training. This is when I lost touch with my body and what was important to myself. Realizing this, I understood how important it was for me to regain this confidence in myself. Was my knee injury holding me back? No, it was my fear that has been holding me back.

When she mentioned my mom I was blown away. Such a small detail almost made me lose my cool. My mom and I fight a lot. There is a lot of tension between us. I always felt like my knee started it all. That was when I started to doubt myself, think twice about everything, and also ignore physical pain as much as I could (not completely). For her to bring up my mom made me sad and scared. There is so much misunderstanding and lack of communication between us. It was then that I realized why. I am scared to be vulnerable with myself, let alone anyone else! (even though thats not uncommon)

I spent a few days thinking about what this woman had told me and what I should do with it. I think it is now that I use it to remind myself of the strength, heart, and motivation I have to not only be a better person, but be the version of me that I want to be.

**if anyone wants more information about this experience, let me know. I can try to answer any questions. Overall I highly suggest going out of your comfort zone. You never know what it will lead you to.**

I Tried To Drink Green Tea For Health Benefits

I Tried To Drink Green Tea For Health Benefits

Here Is How It Went…

It Did Not Go Well

I stopped drinking coffee in October and I am very proud of myself for this, but the only way I stopped was to replace it with green tea (sweetened of course). I love it and would have it almost every day. Until today…

Today I decided to try to be healthier (less sugars) and obviously green tea is amazing for boosting your metabolism, so I gave it a shot. I picked up an unsweetened green tea from Starbucks on my way to work and I was not satisfied. Also, people at work kept joking that it looked like pee.

Call me unhealthy or whatever you want, but I have a sweet tooth, so forcing myself to drink this green tea straight was difficult. I tried ripping the bandaid off and drinking it fast, but that was a terrible idea. Nasty. I figured I would get used to it if I continued to drink it, but it was gross to the very end.

Guess how long it took me to finish it… 4 hours. YUP.

Guess what I had for dinner… a BBQ cheese burger… NO regrets.

Was this successful? No, but I felt better about eating dinner!

I have no self control when it comes to creating healthy eating habits and most of me wouldn’t think twice about that. Right now I work too much to have a strict gym schedule so I figured I would try some other ways to get whatever help I can. Will I go back to unsweetened green tea? No. Will I stop trying? No.

Here is what I am going to do… Slowly add less and less sugar, hopefully I will train myself to eventually like it. In the meantime, I guess I’ll have to just give up my love of unhealthy food for a while. I’ll let you know how it goes, but if you have any reasonable suggestions – definitely let me know!

The Best Way To Complete Your Winter Outfits

The Best Way To Complete Your Winter Outfits

The falling snow has me in leggings, and a fleece quarter zip which I am completely okay with until it is time to be social…

Although it is totally okay to leave the house in your cozy clothes, there are some situations where you may just find yourself staring at your closet, lost. This does happen to me often, but luckily I have a good base of inspiration! This is what I am going to share with you, to cherish and make your own 🙂

The biggest thing I struggle with is wanting to be comfortable, but also ready for anything. Yes, you can easily throw on some leggings and boots with a big cozy sweater, but that gets old sometimes. Especially right about now, when its March, but snow is falling heavily to our cold feet. Are you ready for some ways to jazz it up a bit?

You can ALWAYS rely on a good earring to make the outfit perfect and fun. A bright pop of color or a little sparkle is for sure going to make you smile every time you catch a glimpse of your reflection. “Fun” pieces aren’t always meant for parties and events with the girls. I believe in throwing on a cute hoop or a colorful stud to prepare me for anything the day might throw at me. From work to dinner or drinks, you will not have to worry about going home to change, then staring at your closet some more.

Some of my favorites to keep with me are the Lilly Pulitzer Stardust hoop earring (all time favorite), the Lilly Pulitzer Sunkissed hoop earring, or the Lilly Pulitzer Waterside earring (plus Lilly Pulitzer jewelry comes with a cute little pouch to put them in for safe keeping). The Oversized Orchid earring (which look a lot heavier than they are) is also a fun way to put a warmer season feeling on your look, even if its sub zero temperatures.

Nothing screams winter cozy without a blanket scarf, but my go to this winter is the Folie Cashmere Wrap in bennet blue for warmth and a pop of color. This can be used as scarf or a wrap! Do not get me wrong, I love me my Pink Pineapple flannel blanket scarf more than a lot of things, but when going from business to casual and you’re wearing a jacket, the wrap is too easy!

Back to that flannel blanket scarf (mine is in blue and green), this is definitely a must have for those bone chilling days. Top it off with a fur pom pom hat from ccbeanie and you’re ready for the trip outside!! Also WICKED cute when they match!

I like to keep my toes cozy in my bean boots with comfy warm socks. My favorite are World’s Softest, which I find at the Paper Store. They come in different colors, patterns, and heights (from ankle socks to boot socks). They feel like you are walking on clouds 🙂

Lastly, BAGS! I am definitely a bag girl. Anything from my black Tory Burch nylon tote to Vineyard Vines canvas tote, or even my gold Lilly Pulitzer La La tote! All of which are perfect for whatever you need. The gold tote is a go to for any season because its BIG and can carry everything I need PLUS some! Winter also has me reaching for the dark colors to not overwhelm a casual outfit (also the nylon tote is waterproof, safe for days with bad weather). Nothing is wrong with a bag charm or scarf around the strap, and a colorful one adds so much character!

journal entry one: overthinking is pointless and i hate it.

journal entry one: overthinking is pointless and i hate it.

very valid question. very complicated answers. love is unfair, but love is kind. it’s the people that aren’t kind that will burn you in the end…

sitting by sails.

march 4th, 2019 — 3:13 pm


what happened to us? will we ever know? will i ever know? do you even know?

if so, then why does the narrative keep changing?

our ending’s rest in two perspectives, one sensing defection, while the other wanting direction.

we stayed awhile while our versatile sundials turned to tactile lifestyles in the exile of our defiled meanwhiles.

now i can’t tell if we’re hostile, worthwhile, or senile.


burned by the unconcerned silence that shows,

deleting words from existence — the sentences formed before,

like “you’re the greatest guy i know”.

as i think to myself…”sure”.

if that were true, then maybe she’d speak to me.

if that weren’t true, then maybe i’d stop thinking about her.


is it better to have loved and lost if you’re being lead on? or is it better to have never loved at all?

or am i overthinking?

maybe…

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