May Challenge Part. 1

May Challenge Part. 1

Day 1: What are you most grateful for today?

I thought about this question all day today. I realized I didn’t know what to be grateful for… Maybe because I have so much to be grateful for, including being alive and healthy. Also because I felt that was too common and understandable. I thought maybe some people in my life or the ability and freedom to spend my own money. I wasn’t sure. After a long day, I realized that today I am most grateful for is the opportunities I have to make the best of being alive and healthy. With this, I can make my own money, make decisions for myself, and take my own risks. With these abilities comes a lot of responsibility and challenges, but overall these things have built me to be who I am. I work hard for what I have, but I am only able to do this due to opportunities I have taken to be where I am. I love where I am and that I am able to rely on people around me for help along with relying on myself for what I need. I am extremely grateful for the people who have supported me and helped me get to where I am now. I think in the long run, the challenges in my life at this moment will continue to shape who I am and maybe even present new opportunities to take on and grow from.

Day 2: Favorite memory of the past year.

My favorite memory of the past year was in September. My older brother proposed to his girlfriend! When they told us right after it was a moment of sheer excitement for everyone. They are so perfect and I realized how real everything was at that moment. He was no longer a big kid, he was getting married! My whole life he was a little older than me and messing around. I realized that part of our life was long gone. I also was so happy for both of them and to be able to be there for him was amazing. Not to mention, my mom and I knew he was going to so we were biting our tongues for months!

Day 3: Outfit that makes you feel confident.

This is honestly a tough one. There are a bunch, but here is my go to…

This is honestly from a while ago, but I love this dress. It is simple and very easy to add on to. It has a cute back too!

Ophelia dress in midnight navy from Lilly Pulitzer

Day 4: In my cup.

Honestly… I had mikes hard last night. That is an uncommon occurrence, but never regret it. More often, I will have Sam Adams Porch Rocker or white wine. If its not after 5, you will find water or green tea.

Day 5: Your best accomplishment.

It is hard to categorize accomplishments under “best” since most are succeeding then what makes it the best. Most proud of? Or most impressive?

After a lot of thought on this one, I decided that this post and the reason for this challenge is about being grateful and reflecting on myself. I decided that in my eyes, my best accomplishment is not something I have completed or achieved. It is how I got to where I am with my anxiety. My anxiety has caused many problems academically, socially, and mentally. Over time, before I was reassured that the racing in my mind all the time was not always normal, I thought something was wrong with me. I had no idea what, maybe I was slow or just shy. Over time I taught myself how to study, test, and learn in a whole different way than how my teachers and professors were teaching me. It took a lot longer and a lot more effort than what it looked like other students were putting into their work. Socially, I thought I was just scared and overthought everything due to that. I also did not know this wasn’t normal to be petrified of daily interactions that come naturally to other people. Mentally all of this made me think I was less than others and I was terrified of being seen as weak. Over time I learned how to put on a brave face, come off strong and independent, but mostly I showed everyone I was not less than anyone else. I worked extra hard to make sure I knew myself that I was okay. Learning about my anxiety, how to cope with it, being mindful of it, and working with it to understand it made me feel so much more confident in my ability to do things. I knew it wasn’t completely normal. I realized there was something different that I had to work with in my life. Now I am so much more aware of myself, my thoughts, and my feelings.

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